Several people have told me, "Marlon, you gotta slow down. Rest a bit. Even my parents have told me this. But I can't, I have prepared myslef for this opportunity at freedom and I can't blow it now. Yeah, I've hung out late with my fam (in my apt., in case my po is reading), surfed the net, and talked jive , but I have done a lot in just 3 weeks...or so I am told. Got my state benefits ( that's a long story), gotten my NYS ID, my driver's permit, connected with several non-profit orgs, got a volunteer spot with a great immigration advocacy org (Families for Freedom), got an email, figured out facebook, traveled the iron horse to all the boroughs that count (BK, QB, NYC, BX), and I still work out. Sounds good...I guess, but there is so much I expect of myself.
All in all, freedom is great. My fam and friends have been amazing!!! There's no greater feeling than to be loved, particularly by those whom you love.
Of course, I have had my moments when slight depression has set in. Two weeks ago I posted on my facebook page, "Is it possible to be free yet still be lonely?" It was the night of New Year's Day and I was thinking too much. Please understand that my time in prison is a unique circumstance that even my closest loved ones cannot fully understand; therefore, I should expect moments when I will feel alienated even from them. But thankfully those moments are rare, and I am now mature enough to not be overcome by moods.
I need to give special shout outs to my BTG fam that have really looked for me..Smiling Sara, Hungry/Hopping Hensliegh, Jazzy Juliana, Sassy Sara, Erica Licht, Rambunctious Ryan, Stupendous Shari, Diversified Divine, Rebecca, Whitney, Larry the Legend.
To my boys Devon, Mikey, Imani, Zoop, Terell, and Daddy.
Miss yous to Bill Blak, El-Sun, Charzell (stay humble), Carlo, Mr. Porter, Dennis, Christiana, Rodd, Cool Chris, Tereem, Rah (114), Fuji, Jammin' Jamal, Rigorous Rob, Big brother Free, CAU, Craig (Shaq), Lab, HOLLA!, T.S., and to all the other brothers that are preparing themselves for this with all seriousness. Freedom is WONDERFULL, and a lot of work, but it isn't work if you love it.
To all those who are dealing with the crazy parole boards. I saw something on my first train ride that piqued my attention---homeless people...homeless cyouth. N ow I know they were always there, but my years away left them obscure in my mind. I read about them and saw them in the news, but to see them for the first time in over a decade in person was chilling. I will not compare levels of suffering or oppression, but I will attest to the suffering and oppression. I thought to myself, "Damn, life doesn't become magical once those gates open." My peole inside: Your suffering and oppression isn't isolated. Take solace that your suffering is felt by countless countless others. just in different ways. I firmly exhort you all to PREPARE YOUR MIND ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
It's 2:11 a.m. and I'm writing in my online journal listening to Lauryn Hill's Miseducation. Somethings never change...
What you do in there you will do out here.
Much love young brothers.