Journals From The Pen- November 5, 2009

Dear Journal,

I can smell my freedom! I am less than three months away! The fact that I can 'smell' it is significant because for about seven or eight years of my bid I never had dreams that were set outside of prison. Even when I had dreams that included people outside of prison, like family and close friends, the dreams took place inside of prison. Weird, but true. It is only within the last year-and-a-half that I have had dreams that took place outside of prison. The fact that I 'smell' my freedom illustrates where my mind is at--freedom. My subconscious is no longer trapped in here. My focus is no longer on surviving in prison, it is on thriving in society.

My feelings at this point are... anticipatory, not yet excited. I tend to be a person that doesn't get too high or too low. Maybe when I begin to 'see' my freedom my emotion Richter will heighten. I may be transferred to Queensboro CF, a minimum-security in Long Island City within the month to finish out my sentence. Seeing NYC for the first time in seven years (I was sentenced in 2002) will be indescribable.

I am still networking to find a job. I so badly want to have a job waiting for me. I am ready to work. No beach chair for me, maybe a walk on the boardwalk, but no lounging. I am eager to work and go to school. BTW, I may have a scholarship waiting for me...

I've spent over a third of my life in prison and I'm only 30. I don't look a day over 20, nor do I feel over 20. It's just amazing to reflect on the amount of time I have spent behind bars.